Marge

I dropped a food processor on my bare foot last night, putting it away in the storage cabinet. I wish I had left the darn thing on the counter. It raised a knot bigger then a goose egg on my bony old foot. Ice and elevation. My leg that is paralysed, of course. Being diabetic, I will be with foot up on pillows for a couple of days. Take care, and don’t drop anything heavy on you. Hugs, Marge …. See you soon!

I had saved up my calories last week for a different kind of dining treat. I was going to eat at a place I had never eaten, Caesars on the Ohio River. I had heard how great the food was. I was looking forward to going with a couple of friends I haven’t seen in a while, one of them almost fifty years ago. I enjoyed the reunion, loved the drive over to the Indiana shore, was very happy to see I was not the only one with wrinkles and gray hair. The meal was buffet and I took a spin around the tables to glance at everything to choose from. I had tasted , at one time or another, everything on the buffet. And you know food is just food! I had a lovely late lunch of asparagas tips with olive oil and red pepper flakes, baby carrots with honey, zuccini and tomatoes, creamed spinach with parm. Fresh fruit for dessert. They had lots of ham and cheesecake, but the greatest part of the meal was the talking and the laughing and the old memories. And with good company, every meal is a feast! I had a couple of plums for a late dinner at home, and my blood sugar was normal. Can’t wait to meet with them again and I am sure I will enjoy myself. AND FOOD IS JUST FOOD!! A pleasure but it doesn’t cure lonliness, depression, or get rid of anger. I have come a long way on this journey with you, my buddies, and learned so many great life lessons. Oct.11, I weigh, but whether I lose or stay the same I am content. Thinking of you all, Marge

consider marriage for companionship. He said sex is the last thing on his list of chores,CHORES? Do you see the man in this picture with me? This is my lover, my best friend, my rock for 49 years. Do you see the gleam in his eyes and that ornery grin on his face. This is my Ed and why would I want to tie myself to a person who would want me to cook his meals, wait on him, clean house for him and he considers SEX a CHORE. ED, where ever you are cover your ears because I am laughing myself silly. His favorite song to me was Leonard Cohen’s “I’m Your Man” and “Dance Me to the End of Love”. Back off, new friend, I’m not a bit interested in your terms. Besides Ed would haunt you to the end of your days. All you would hear from me day after day would be Ed, Ed, Ed, so feel lucky I didn’t laugh in your face, I like my life just as it is now. Alone, but with my memories. Here’s to you Ed for all the wonderful times we had. Love, Marge

The worst times for me and appetite, mindless eating, come when I am alone and bored! Of course, if you are an adult and bored that is your fault. Anyway, I have been to lunch yesterday with an old friend whose husband died four months ago. She has not mentioned his name to anyone since she became a widow. She called me and asked me to lunch in twenty minutes. I had just finished my “stroll”, but I was so happy to see her. We went to a Chinese place and I made very good choices, YAH! Then I began to talk about Ed and she began to talk about Charlie, we were in the restaurant for over two hours. Then we came to my house and talked for three hours. Bless her heart, she has three sons and I have four, so sometimes we just need another woman to let go with. There was no crying, just a celebration of the wonderful years we had with our husbands and how much we miss them! The manager of my apartment house called me and asked if I was up for a couple of interviews with students from the college next door. They need to write a paper on being elderly and how we cope with this getting older stuff. I was surprised she asked me because I am handicapped but not by age, but by truck. I know I will really enjoy the young people and talking about myself. You know how I love to talk, yak, yak, yak. Then a friend I have not seen in about fifty years is taking my sis-in-law and me to Caesar’s in Indiana for lunch Monday. What will I wear is always the first thing to come to mind. I have never been there. Black with a colorful scarf and matching jewelery should do it. More hard food choices because I hear their food is fantastic! WOW! Sure beats sitting around reading or cleaning. Have a great day, y’all. And behave yourselves. Love ya, Marge

told me he had gone for a WALK!! I had talked with him yesterday and he told me he was down to one coke a day. Keeping fruit and veggies with low fat dip in his dorm room, too. And he had gone for a walk. I am so happy for him. He is the “brainy” one who never moved except to go from couch to computer to bed. Then two years ago he began to gain weight. I think he might have gained twenty or twenty-five pounds. I am so glad his Dr. got on him about it because he was getting high blood pressure—- at his age! Have a great week and stay active and on plan. Marge

I have seen the same numbers on my scale for weeks now. I am sick of this. SOOO I am going to shake up my eating plan, add to my exercise minutes daily (make it an hour, instead of 45 mins.) and vary my exercise routine. Although I am limited as to the kinds of exercise I can do, I am sure I can do something new. Cold weather is coming and I will have to be indoors alot. I have angina and cold air and angina don’t mix. BUT I am staying away from those scales for one month! On Oct.11, I will weigh. Anything I can think of I will try because I am stuck. Well, have a great weekend and ENJOY!! I am not sad or mad, just trying to figure out the bio- chemistery of weigh plateau and how to fool my body into cooperating. Marge

They know I love having the boys over. Jacob, the younger one, is so happy and very, very busy. He loves to push me in my w/c while I hang on for dear life. I will finally ask him to climb on the back and ride because I am afraid we will do through some glass doors at great speed. This is the little boy that asked his Papaw how old he was and told him he looked good for his age, because most people his age are dead. Well, he told me he had been studying something and knew his mother wouldn’t like him to be studying it, but he thought he had figured it out. I am thinking oh, Lord what am I going to hear! This 5 year old told me he had kind of figured out where babies come from. (OH NO) He told me he thought for sure it had something to do with kissing! He said when the boy kisses a girl, he puts something in her mouth, he didn’t know if it was germs, or liquid, or solid, but then it went to her belly and she grew a baby. Well, Jake HAD been studying this awhile and as long as this is his theory, all our girls are safe. He did say you had to be a teenager before this could happen and that’s why teenagers are kissing all the time. Oh, Jacob, why can’t I bottle Essence of Jacob and when the days are gloomy, just pull the cork and take a whiff!! Hope you all are having a happy, productive day and SMILE. Marge

I did go to church yesterday and gave thanks for my d-i-l-’s remission. Then I took a long spin around the neighborhood, tears just falling down my face as I went. I don’t cry, exactly, tears just fall and I can’t believe I have that many tears inside me. I think one of the triggers for my dark, dark trip was seeing a good friend who lost her husband three months ago. She had such a stunned look in her eyes and she never mentioned his name. She said she doesn’t cook anymore, but had two cakes, sweet rolls and all kinds of “comfort” foods she had bought from the deli. My heart aches for her, but she does not want to talk about her hurt so all I could do was hug her and tell her how much I love her. THE WAY YOU BUDDIES HUGGED ME AND LOVED ME YESTERDAY. Just when you think you have things under control (your pain) they have a way of sneaking up behind you and clobbering you. I went to lie down at 6:30 to take a rest and woke this morning at 5:00. Made my coffee and toast and fell asleep again. OKAY! New day and new start! Sorry for the raw emotions, but I can’t tell my family the way I feel, they want to “fix things”, remember they are sons. Man fix things, women understand only time and faith will do it. And love. And I send my love to all you buddies, Marge

I can’t seem to get a grip on my food cravings. I just want to eat, eat, EAT!! There is no logical reason for this that I can think of. But I know the scales have stalled out and maybe even gone up a pound. I am sitting around having a pity party and can’t seem to pull out of this mood. Exercise seems so futile and I feel trapped. Trapped in this apartment, trapped in my loneliness, missing my husband and all the good times we had together. Sure, the children come to visit and I have neighbors who are friendly and kind. But I am just tired—- tired of putting on a cheerful face and tired of these horrible cravings for FOOD. I have worked to keep this weight off so many years that I sometimes want to scream GIVE ME A BREAK. I’m going downstairs to church in a couple of hours and hope to find a reason to keep trying. I’ve had a sleepless night (can you tell?) and just feel like I’ve hit bottom. I think some of these feelings come from the good news about my d-i-l. She is so fatigued and I think the pressure we’ve been under has kept us struggling along and our reaction is complete burnout. Say a prayer for me. Marge

broke, I kid you not, and my niece cracked me up. She is always cracking me up. Accuses me of being a flirt, etc. I think my true character came through on that pic. At the DMV of all places!! I usually look so dignifed in my pictures, but it is only a mask as you buddies know. I am really a weird old lady and basically HAPPY! Have a super weekend and celebrate staying weird, no matter what your age. Love, Marge